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Single mothers, deadbeat fathers also cry

Jaymo Wa Thika 

I have learnt never to throw blanket condemnation to any man who is not taking care of his kids before you understand the reason why. When it comes to relationships, I never jump into conclusions before understanding the whole genesis of the story.

As much as I don't advocate for irresponsible men, I would also want to add that there are so many factors that lead to single-motherhood, some of which are contributed to these same women who will then come out crying that the man has abdicated their responsibilities.

Some women are very corrosive and cannot live with anyone. If they push the man away due to their uncalled for behaviour, they then turn around and accuse him of being a deadbeat father. In most of these instances, they shielded the kids away from him as a weapon for him to submit to their unwarranted demands. They also poison the children's minds by feeding them with all sorts of falsehoods about their father in a view to create a wedge between him and his children.

Unfortunately, men are not wired to whine and cry, so they will keep quiet as she accuses them of neglect.

It is also good to note that unless it is a case of defilement or rape, we are talking about an issue of two consenting adults who very well know of the consequences of making love. Let's not put it as if the woman has no mind of her own to know what is good for her and what is bad for her. Whenever an adult woman gives in to a man's sexual advancement, she exactly knows the consequences of this act, not unless she is not of sound mind.... She knows what is right for them and what is not.

These cases (single-motherhood) are so rampant in Kikuyuland and the Mt. Kenya Region. The community is the worst hit by the women empowerment bug with the so called women not really taking empowerment for what it was meant to be but as a weapon to fight and bring down their men.

Slap a woman and the whole world is on you. A woman slaps you and the whole world sees a weakling and a very useless man.

In short, no one talks or sides with a man who is in conflict with a woman. In the same vein, everyone will listen to the woman's story and ridicule the man whenever there is a debate on the children and none will ever believe the man. That is why 90% of the suicide cases are men. That's why we are witnessing so many domestic violence cases and murders in our families. And in every of these cases, the blame is always laid on the man.

Unfortunately this trend will continue or even worsen until we all come to our senses and start resolving marital/relationship issues with sober minds without assuming one gender to be weak or to be the victim.

As I conclude..... It is always easy to hit on the man in every of these cases only when the man in question is not your son, father or brother. The immediate family ends up bearing the blunt of a jailed kin, murdered son, an alcoholic brother (out of depression) or an insane father. No one else will ever understand the pain these people go through.

One clear thing is; it is the symptoms of the problem that we mostly keep our focus on rather than going a bit deeper to find the main cause.

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